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about
I wrote this song about hyper-independence. A trauma response after being let down far too many times by far too many people. For so long I always needed to be around other people to feel okay. I was never really comfortable just being by myself. I always looked for validation from other people and would get let down when someone wouldn’t fulfill promises. Over the past year or so, I’ve almost become too comfortable with being alone. It’s healthy to enjoy your alone time, but it can be toxic sometimes. For example, not letting your guard down to form new relationships with anyone because every one you have had seems to end at one point or another. So as a result, you prefer to stay in your own bubble even when it gets lonely sometimes.
The music video starts out with me confined in my own space and feeling the need to get out which I then drive to just another secluded place to be alone. The mirror I encounter inside represents feeling trapped and not knowing how I am being perceived but knowing it’s not my responsibility and the mirror with no reflection outside represents the fear of being perceived in a way that isn’t exactly how I want to see myself to be. Do you ever wonder how people perceive you? But you isolate yourself so much that you never really have anyone around that actually gets to see the genuine you, so then you feel like you come off as standoffish from an outside perspective? Or maybe people see you as a better version of yourself than you do and actually want to try to get close, but you avoid any uncomfortable situation that triggers any sort of social anxiety or fear of being hurt, despite the need for human connection.
I hope you can feel the emotion I put into this. If you dig it, please share!
Thank you to my brother who gave me the opportunity to feel what it’s like to front a band, something I’ve always thought would be cool to do, and for filming this music video.
lyrics
My high hopes diminish every time I think about it
If I had a chance to erase it all
I’d jump the gun and take that fall
It’d probably keep me on the ground
But it’d feel better than I do, better than I do now
Follow through, I can’t trust you
I’m screaming at the top of my lungs,
Why can’t you hear me?
I don’t think that you can do it for me
I don’t think that I can save myself
I don’t think that you would be there for me
I don’t think that you can save me now
Now I’m staring at the wall
Wondering where it all went wrong
I’m better than this, but it took me far too long
To finally see it won’t be you
To confide in me and pull me through
And I’m sorry to say, I don’t need you
Follow through, I can’t trust you
I’m screaming at the top of my lungs,
Why can’t you hear me?
I don’t think that you can do it for me
I don’t think that I can save myself
I don’t think that you would be there for me
I don’t think that you can save me now
Falling Faster
But I won’t go under
I don’t think that you can do it for me
I don’t think that I can save myself
I don’t think that you would be there for me
I don’t think that you can save me
Follow through, I can’t trust you
I’m screaming at the top of my lungs,
Why can’t you hear me?
I don’t think that you can do it for me
I don’t think that I can save myself
I don’t think that you would be there for me
I don’t think that you can save me now
credits
released July 5, 2021
Music written by Randy Pasquarella and Dan Conklin of If I Were You
Song recorded, mixed and mastered at Pasquarella Recordings
Music Video filmed and edited by Pasquarella Recordings
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